Badger= DNF

WOD:
Hero Workout "Badger"
3x for time:
30 squat cleans--45lbs
30 pullups
800m run

I did not earn my "Badge" today. I stopped, I quit, I did not finish. I knew I would have to scale this workout going in, but not in a million years did I think I would not finish. In the first round of squats everything hurt--back, shoulder, hips, knees. On the pullup bar, my shoulder hurt even more. Second round of squats was more painful than the first. My low back was screaming and every rep was sheer pain, despite the fact I made the bar weightless on several reps. (it was all on where my elbows were!) I got a few reps on the second round of pullups, tore open a callous, tried a few more reps, stood there shaking. I walked outside, fighting the tears welling in my eyes---there's no crying in crossfit I said to myself. Deep breath. I took off running--2x 800m. I tried to convince myself I could do it but that ever pessimistic little devil in my head said "you're done. Quit." I didn't want to, but I knew I had to.

After the run I came back to the box and sat...watching. The room was just alive with energy, pulsating with the music and the power of every rep. Bars clattering on the floor, chalk and sweat flying, expletives be shouted--some cheering and some grunts. Everyone looked so strong and I felt so small and weak.

But am I weak? How do you know when to fight through the pain and when to push on? Since the fall of 2006, I've had a broken arm, back/neck injury that took 9months to heal, ACL replacement, spent 3 days in the hospital puking my guts out from a weird bug from Iraq, had a ski accident on the "good knee" (thank god a 4th surgery was not necessary) and all that is just the physical part. I think I know my body well, but do I? Or do I just FEAR injuring myself again and expect the worst? Or am I really stronger since I know when to NOT push it? Here I am--in the middle of month 4 of crossfit with a few nagging injuries. When do you say when?

Today I had to say when. Period. I'm not proud of it, but this is clearly how you get mentally fit--Getting a sheer beat down by a Saturday morning Hero workout. Then promising yourself you'll be back on Monday.

I'll hit the box this coming week to exercise the mind, not the body. I'm a week away from my first triathlon and to be strong there, I need to be strong enough to say enough.