I've spent the last few days doing a lot of thinking, brooding, internally kicking and screaming at myself, and generally being down on myself. About a year ago, I finally felt like I was on a true path to fitness, learning knew things (like oly lifts), pushing myself farther and faster than I had in years. My diet was cleaned up and life was looking good. I felt good about myself, I loved my new muscles, all my clothes fit, I slept well (even though my husband was deployed), and I felt like I could take on the world again. This was all due to CrossFit Old Town. I didn't think anything could bring me down. Wrong.
I've had my ups and downs since leaving the affilate in December, diving into training mostly by myself. This spring I had a motivation to stay on top of things in going to the Level I certification--I didn't want to make a fool of myself. And, I had a training partner who was training for the european regionals. His program kicked my butt back into pretty good shape. Post Level I cert, post regional training with Jason, post 1 month off for family time, traveling, and eating, I find myself nearly back at the beginning.
On Sunday, Chip and I went to the gym and I was going to work some deadlifts. One of my strongest lifts, technically not to difficult. Um yea, not anymore. Everything felt akward and heavy. I had Chip come watch a pull at 190--totally rounded my back. Dropped the weight, still rounding. sigh, just 10 weeks ago I pulled a beautiful PR of 240 and stopped there because I didn't have anyone to spot my form. On Monday morning, I set out for a nice 3 mile run around the neighborhood. I've been running the trails, but not keeping track of pace or time. It went horribly. The first mile felt great, an 8:15 pace, but the minute I hit some hills I petered out. Soon after I found myself walking because the humidity had triggered my asthma and my back was killing me from bad deadlifts the day before. What a mess. Later in the day I joined Chip in the pool. I went with the "lets not keep track of time/distance and just swim" attitude. I felt good, fairly strong, and am finding bi-lateral breathing easier. I figured out what was wrong with my form in turning to the left to breathe--its so much easier now! After several downers of late, the DL's, some OHS's, running, etc, I've literally wondered about throwing in the towel. I know that voice though, the voice of doubt and depression, and I must quash that voice before it gets too loud.
So where have my musings of the last few days left me?
(1) Not going to do the triathlon in September--It requires a wetsuit, which I don't have and haven't a clue where to purchase. A wetsuit, hotel room, gas to get there and back, are just extremely costly. I've done one and I can tri again another year. I would rather focus on being crossfit again, rather than try to do crossfit and get back into shape on the 3 sports...
(2) Training will be focused on traditional crossfit for overall strength and conditioning and then I will focus on the Army 10 miler at the end of October. I'm going to try to incorporate 2 CF endurance workouts per week and one long run to help with that. I'm going to back off on the heavy oly lifts and focus on getting good form back. No 1RM efforts, will focus on lighter 3x and 5x efforts for at least 6 weeks or until I feel stronger and more confident I won't hurt myself.
(3) Nutrition. No french fries, no ice cream, no beer for 30 days. Started yesterday. Oh and no gummi bears. I hope to start tracking caloric, carb, protein, and fat intake to see where I'm at. I haven't written down what I've eaten in a long time. Time to buckle down again and stop making excuses for being lazy and making poor choices.
(4) Now write out a plan and stick to it!
(5) Remove ass from couch, put on gym clothes, and get to work.